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Methods of suicide

  • 3,173 posts

    AlmightyJim stated:

    i suffer from ptsd too but it all feels better after i rape some teen girls

  • 3,173 posts

  • 3,173 posts

    Thinking about the month that my parents locked me away in a room, with nothing but the clothes on my back and a mattress makes my jaw shake and my chest turn to ice, and if I'm not careful I'll start hyperventilating dwelling on it. 

    I woke up to buckets of water and beatings. I was locked in bathrooms at night and forced to scrub bath tubs and shower tiles, all night. "When I wake up it better be spotless"... once I fell asleep and the punishment from not finishing was, not worth the soapy nights sleep I had in that bath tub. Went to school smelling like bleach exhausted and so sore I couldn't use the stairs.

    I refused to eat and they'd force feed me, scream at me and beat me, slap me in the face. "WHY WON'T YOU EAT YOU HARD HEADED FOOL. LISTEN YOU LITTLE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU BETTER EAT THIS OR I'M SHOVING IT DOWN YOUR THROAT AND I'LL BEAT YOU ASS AFTER THE FACT. YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE IT." And I'd just scream at them "I'm sorry I'm sorry!" As they picked up my plate and threw it into the wall and sprayed water in my face. 

    I just couldn't eat, I wanted to die. Somehow they thought they could beat my depression out of me. 

    It makes me so sick just thinking about it... the beatings, the nights I spent on the tile floors shaking, literally my entire body shaking. Vomiting sometimes from just, pure nervousness. 

    And guess what I did during the day- I went to school. If I was lucky, if I was good. I got to go to school... 

    Trust me I looked at child emancipation on the internet and had my fair share of escapes and just straight up bolting and running for it. 

    Sometimes those few seconds I could spend just catching my breath on a street corner somewhere was worth it, just so I could have that brief freedom and peace away from it all. And then, I was always brought back. 

     

    Now I just wish I could stop seeing all of it sometimes. 

  • 553 posts

    Your family sucks. It's making me angry..

  • 3,173 posts

    Okay so today was a day... lol 

    went to dinner with my grandfather for Father's Day or whatever and had anxiety the entire dinner. 

    I got through it which is better than demanding to leave like I normally would but it wasn't easy. 

    Panic attacks are always triggered in restaraunts, I don't know WHY 

    It's no logic in it is why there's no reason. Just pure emotion that no words are tied to I suppose 

    that run loose and pop up whenever they like, running around like random particles bouncing in my subconscious 

    the second they hit a nerve the body has a physiological response 

    sometimes it's like a storm of particles, like a meteor shower. 

    And then internally I lose control 

    but im

    learning to control anxiety 

    just not sure why restarauntd trigger it so intensely 

  • 26 posts

    people who actually wanna suicide, kill them selfs.

    you are just looking for attention.

  • 861 posts

    Sin did it better

  • 98 posts

    Morty, that's not a nice thing to say..,.

  • 3,173 posts

    Lmao so uhm lately I've been like scratching myself with sharp objects when I have anxiety and I kind of have been harming myself on my feet lol I know it's weird but it helps to like have that pain I dunno so it can overwhelm my mind to focus on that instead of hyperventilating 

    I know there are techniques I'm supposed to replace self harm with but I can't help it. So now the tops and sides of my feet have huge gashes all over them and like people ask me what happened to ur foot and I'm like uh I dunno lol 

    but yeah I've been feeling okay lately just not having fun with the anxiety, I want to relapse so bad sometimes but yeah... 

    i went out with my grandpa for Father's Day and had an anxiety attack in the restaraunt and just kind of coped with it in my head the entire dinner and like I was spaced out and he's like what are you thinking about and I'm like... nothing. Lol 

    i got through it but I was really glad to just fucking leave at the end cuz the whole time I was like k need to leave I need to leave I need to leave thinking that in my head 

     

    I just struggle with restaraunts for some reason especially if there's a lot of traffic flying by and it's excessively busy which there was both of that going on 

    every little sound is just like over load and I can't handle it I'm so sensitive to everything cuz of hypervigilwnxe and I get overwhelmed 

    gives me anxiety just writing about it like... ugh. DEEP BREATHS 

    im just so sick of this shit man 

    at least I'm not as depressed lately but the anxiety needs to fucking go away completely for me to be satisfied lol 

    better than I started but not good enough 

  • 3,173 posts

    Cuz I still can't sit down at a dinner table and enjoy a meal and I can't go to the movie theater either 

    I feel trapped and overwhelmed and... a whole bunch of other things but I won't get into it right now 

    I gotta work 

  • 26 posts

    One t-time I was in the year of 2067 a-and they h-had a cure for y-yo-your d-disease, blanc.

  • 3,173 posts

    Mood: 

    Seeing my therapist tomorrow. Not sure how it's going to go. 

    I still just want to slip away. Despite being better lately. Happiness isn't a cure for depression, they can coexist. Someone who seems happy can still be a suicide risk. 

    I just want to relapse, I want to give up on everything, even though everything is fine. 

    If I'm being honest I'm just tired of most things about life lol 

  • 3,173 posts

    k lol 

  • 1,736 posts

    they invented a medication for you

  • 3,173 posts

  • 2,497 posts

     

    AlmightyJim stated:

    they invented a medication for you

     

     

    XD lmao

    make those words mine as well, blanc is becoming very annoying. she used to be interesting.

     

  • 3,173 posts

    This thread's not for your entertainment I'm monitoring my thoughts and behaviors because my shit's so all over the place I can't keep track very well. 

    I tend to forget things, plus the journaling is decent therapy to get me by between visits. 

    It's good I can see my thoughts on a page in front of me so I can immediately realize how stupid they sound, and I can then move on them with certainty that I was not thinking all to clearly

    It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. 

    I'm not "complaining" I'm trying to work on myself, trying to do better for myself. 

    I'm just trying to deal with it all leave me alone lmfao like god damn 

    This thread isn't for you, I don't exist on this forum for you- to suit your standards, to bend to the ways in which you wish me to be. 

    If you have a problem with me not being whatever you want that's your problem not mine. I'll always do what I want. 

  • 2,497 posts

    blanc stated:

    This thread's not for your entertainment I'm monitoring my thoughts and behaviors because my shit's so all over the place I can't keep track very well. 

    I tend to forget things, plus the journaling is decent therapy to get me by between visits. 

    It's good I can see my thoughts on a page in front of me so I can immediately realize how stupid they sound, and I can then move on them with certainty that I was not thinking all to clearly

    It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. 

    I'm not "complaining" I'm trying to work on myself, trying to do better for myself. 

    I'm just trying to deal with it all leave me alone lmfao like god damn 

     

     

    " It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. "

    You can't be suicidal.

    noun
    1.
    the intentional taking of one's own life.
    2.
    destruction of one's own interests or prospects:
    Buying that house was financial suicide.
    3.
    a person who intentionally takes his or her own life.
     
     
    First you die by taking your own life, then it's suicide and you can be suicidal, but you will actually be pretty much dead.

  • 3,173 posts

    Okay well my proper diagnosis is anxiety depression and PTSD, if you look up the criteria for depression in the DSM V then you will find that suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts are stated very clearly. 

    Happy? 

  • 1,736 posts

    We need proof of your suicidal-ness to believe tbh

    Only if you carve "Jimmy is my sexy daddy" with skin deep long letters into your arm I will

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