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  • 23:57
    god it’s so gorgeous out with the snow
  • 23:57
    I was in my late teens
  • 23:58
    Before that, there was no internet
  • 23:58
    Or public internet anyway
  • 23:58
    like aim?
  • 23:58
    Nothing like the screech of a 56K modem.
  • 23:58
    I never use aim in particular
  • 23:58
    Nor did I use AOL
  • 23:59
    msn? lol
  • 00:00
    There's no solution for win10 wifi
  • 00:00
    For laptops anyway
  • 00:00
    AOL is where I got my first e-girlfriend. A 17 yr from Florida when I was 9.
  • 00:00
    lol shut up
  • 00:00
    Yahoo Chats were fun, too.
  • 00:01
    Back then it was frowned upon to consider people we met on the internet, but love prevailed.
  • 00:01
    loll
  • 00:01
    Well Idk if you can call that "love."
  • 00:01
    Yahoo was the bomb until people started talking about Google
  • 00:01
    Oh yes it's love
  • 00:01
    lol ya it’s love
  • 00:02
    u wouldn’t understand what Love is tryptamine
  • 00:02
    Whatever we invest in, it's a matter of the heart
  • 00:02
    like what it’s like
  • 00:02
    Even SC
  • 00:02
    It's really not to me, maybe you have some other metric.
  • 00:02
    and what it does to u mentally
  • 00:02
    Google was spread by word of mouth
  • 00:02
    it destroys your ego liken u stop caring what anyone else thinks
  • 00:03
    It only took 1 try and people were hooked on Google
  • 00:03
    and u be with them and talk to them even if it’s embarassing
  • 00:03
    u just stop caring lol
  • 00:03
    Yeah, it was really mostly Yahoo! before that.
  • 00:03
    that’s ehat Love is(:
  • 00:03
    what*
  • 00:03
    It was clean, no bullshit being stuffed down our throat, just a white screen with a logo and a search engine
  • 00:03
    And it was good
  • 00:03
    just thought I’d share so I could maybe try to understand tryp
  • 00:03
    phone
  • 00:03
    doubt it cleared anything up for u but ohh well
  • 00:04
    But like u said tryptamine
  • 00:04
    Every strong woman needs a weak man
  • 00:04
    The days before side-ads.
  • 00:04
    and every strong man needs a weak woman
  • 00:05
    It was all just e-mail scams and phishing before that.
  • 00:05
    and I’m weak as shit when it comes to strong men lol
  • 00:06
    Now if I go to Torrent, there are apparently an abundance of women in my area DTF and games with scantily-clad women.
  • 00:06
    lol ur such a nerd when u talk
  • 00:06
    Now we have the Indian tech support scammers, too.
  • 00:06
    lol
  • 00:07
    Older people get fucked by this stuff.
6
7
Threads /

Methods of suicide

  • 5,177 posts

    AlmightyJim stated:

    i suffer from ptsd too but it all feels better after i rape some teen girls

  • 5,177 posts

  • 5,177 posts

    Thinking about the month that my parents locked me away in a room, with nothing but the clothes on my back and a mattress makes my jaw shake and my chest turn to ice, and if I'm not careful I'll start hyperventilating dwelling on it. 

    I woke up to buckets of water and beatings. I was locked in bathrooms at night and forced to scrub bath tubs and shower tiles, all night. "When I wake up it better be spotless"... once I fell asleep and the punishment from not finishing was, not worth the soapy nights sleep I had in that bath tub. Went to school smelling like bleach exhausted and so sore I couldn't use the stairs.

    I refused to eat and they'd force feed me, scream at me and beat me, slap me in the face. "WHY WON'T YOU EAT YOU HARD HEADED FOOL. LISTEN YOU LITTLE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU BETTER EAT THIS OR I'M SHOVING IT DOWN YOUR THROAT AND I'LL BEAT YOU ASS AFTER THE FACT. YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE IT." And I'd just scream at them "I'm sorry I'm sorry!" As they picked up my plate and threw it into the wall and sprayed water in my face. 

    I just couldn't eat, I wanted to die. Somehow they thought they could beat my depression out of me. 

    It makes me so sick just thinking about it... the beatings, the nights I spent on the tile floors shaking, literally my entire body shaking. Vomiting sometimes from just, pure nervousness. 

    And guess what I did during the day- I went to school. If I was lucky, if I was good. I got to go to school... 

    Trust me I looked at child emancipation on the internet and had my fair share of escapes and just straight up bolting and running for it. 

    Sometimes those few seconds I could spend just catching my breath on a street corner somewhere was worth it, just so I could have that brief freedom and peace away from it all. And then, I was always brought back. 

     

    Now I just wish I could stop seeing all of it sometimes. 

  • 740 posts

    Your family sucks. It's making me angry..

  • 5,177 posts

    Okay so today was a day... lol 

    went to dinner with my grandfather for Father's Day or whatever and had anxiety the entire dinner. 

    I got through it which is better than demanding to leave like I normally would but it wasn't easy. 

    Panic attacks are always triggered in restaraunts, I don't know WHY 

    It's no logic in it is why there's no reason. Just pure emotion that no words are tied to I suppose 

    that run loose and pop up whenever they like, running around like random particles bouncing in my subconscious 

    the second they hit a nerve the body has a physiological response 

    sometimes it's like a storm of particles, like a meteor shower. 

    And then internally I lose control 

    but im

    learning to control anxiety 

    just not sure why restarauntd trigger it so intensely 

  • 26 posts

    people who actually wanna suicide, kill them selfs.

    you are just looking for attention.

  • 863 posts

    Sin did it better

  • 117 posts

    Morty, that's not a nice thing to say..,.

  • 5,177 posts

    Lmao so uhm lately I've been like scratching myself with sharp objects when I have anxiety and I kind of have been harming myself on my feet lol I know it's weird but it helps to like have that pain I dunno so it can overwhelm my mind to focus on that instead of hyperventilating 

    I know there are techniques I'm supposed to replace self harm with but I can't help it. So now the tops and sides of my feet have huge gashes all over them and like people ask me what happened to ur foot and I'm like uh I dunno lol 

    but yeah I've been feeling okay lately just not having fun with the anxiety, I want to relapse so bad sometimes but yeah... 

    i went out with my grandpa for Father's Day and had an anxiety attack in the restaraunt and just kind of coped with it in my head the entire dinner and like I was spaced out and he's like what are you thinking about and I'm like... nothing. Lol 

    i got through it but I was really glad to just fucking leave at the end cuz the whole time I was like k need to leave I need to leave I need to leave thinking that in my head 

     

    I just struggle with restaraunts for some reason especially if there's a lot of traffic flying by and it's excessively busy which there was both of that going on 

    every little sound is just like over load and I can't handle it I'm so sensitive to everything cuz of hypervigilwnxe and I get overwhelmed 

    gives me anxiety just writing about it like... ugh. DEEP BREATHS 

    im just so sick of this shit man 

    at least I'm not as depressed lately but the anxiety needs to fucking go away completely for me to be satisfied lol 

    better than I started but not good enough 

  • 5,177 posts

    Cuz I still can't sit down at a dinner table and enjoy a meal and I can't go to the movie theater either 

    I feel trapped and overwhelmed and... a whole bunch of other things but I won't get into it right now 

    I gotta work 

  • 26 posts

    One t-time I was in the year of 2067 a-and they h-had a cure for y-yo-your d-disease, blanc.

  • 5,177 posts

    Mood: 

    Seeing my therapist tomorrow. Not sure how it's going to go. 

    I still just want to slip away. Despite being better lately. Happiness isn't a cure for depression, they can coexist. Someone who seems happy can still be a suicide risk. 

    I just want to relapse, I want to give up on everything, even though everything is fine. 

    If I'm being honest I'm just tired of most things about life lol 

  • 5,177 posts

    k lol 

  • 1,768 posts

    they invented a medication for you

  • 5,177 posts

  • 3,186 posts

     

    AlmightyJim stated:

    they invented a medication for you

     

     

    XD lmao

    make those words mine as well, blanc is becoming very annoying. she used to be interesting.

     

  • 5,177 posts

    This thread's not for your entertainment I'm monitoring my thoughts and behaviors because my shit's so all over the place I can't keep track very well. 

    I tend to forget things, plus the journaling is decent therapy to get me by between visits. 

    It's good I can see my thoughts on a page in front of me so I can immediately realize how stupid they sound, and I can then move on them with certainty that I was not thinking all to clearly

    It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. 

    I'm not "complaining" I'm trying to work on myself, trying to do better for myself. 

    I'm just trying to deal with it all leave me alone lmfao like god damn 

    This thread isn't for you, I don't exist on this forum for you- to suit your standards, to bend to the ways in which you wish me to be. 

    If you have a problem with me not being whatever you want that's your problem not mine. I'll always do what I want. 

  • 3,186 posts

    blanc stated:

    This thread's not for your entertainment I'm monitoring my thoughts and behaviors because my shit's so all over the place I can't keep track very well. 

    I tend to forget things, plus the journaling is decent therapy to get me by between visits. 

    It's good I can see my thoughts on a page in front of me so I can immediately realize how stupid they sound, and I can then move on them with certainty that I was not thinking all to clearly

    It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. 

    I'm not "complaining" I'm trying to work on myself, trying to do better for myself. 

    I'm just trying to deal with it all leave me alone lmfao like god damn 

     

     

    " It just sucks being suicidal and not knowing what to do about it. "

    You can't be suicidal.

    noun
    1.
    the intentional taking of one's own life.
    2.
    destruction of one's own interests or prospects:
    Buying that house was financial suicide.
    3.
    a person who intentionally takes his or her own life.
     
     
    First you die by taking your own life, then it's suicide and you can be suicidal, but you will actually be pretty much dead.

  • 5,177 posts

    Okay well my proper diagnosis is anxiety depression and PTSD, if you look up the criteria for depression in the DSM V then you will find that suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts are stated very clearly. 

    Happy? 

  • 1,768 posts

    We need proof of your suicidal-ness to believe tbh

    Only if you carve "Jimmy is my sexy daddy" with skin deep long letters into your arm I will

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