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Thinking on declaring my self temporary insane for checking in a mental institute

  • 2,956 posts

    Why? For the experience of it. For a long time I’ve always wanted to see how a mental institute worked, and in my own little head I always considered myself off the charts. Even thou I know I will be among fucked up non-functioning patients, I feel that it’s a lot to learn with them. After I’ve also seen One Flew Over the Cucko’s Nest, I was sure it would be really interesting to do something like it. But I’ve wanting to do that way before and some close friends know it. The stupid movie just brought back this stupid fantasy.
    I just need to get my plan together because I cannot be considered insane permanently or else I would be interdicted and lose all control over my finances.
    I don’t know much about others, but yeah, one of my dreams was to live for like a month to feel what those people feel. There is just something to it that really calls me out, I feel like I want to experience the whole thing. The crazy people, the facilities, the treatment and give my opinion about it.

  • 3,888 posts

    mental asylums are crazy you will lose youtr mind there they will forcefeed you pills and make you think you really are crazy

  • 16,353 posts

    Luna Prey stated:

    mental asylums are crazy you will lose youtr mind there they will forcefeed you pills and make you think you really are crazy

    See, as much as I do see the harm in these facilities it's people who say crap like this that cause harm towards the field. 

    If you check yourself into the place, you can check yourself out of it at any time. They can only keep you there if you're committed, which typically takes being a danger to self or others. 

  • 4,433 posts

    don't do that walt lol trust me you'll want to leave asap

  • 16,353 posts

    Waltz Inaminor stated:

    Why? For the experience of it. For a long time I’ve always wanted to see how a mental institute worked, and in my own little head I always considered myself off the charts.

    Do you think you could pass the assessment strongly enough to be deemed worth treating? 
     

    Even thou I know I will be among fucked up non-functioning patients, I feel that it’s a lot to learn with them.

    If you're not as severe a case, they'll likely keep you away from the deep enders (and if you are you likely won't be allowed to leave). It's not like going to The Carnival, even if it is three times as entertaining. 
     

    After I’ve also seen One Flew Over the Cucko’s Nest, I was sure it would be really interesting to do something like it. But I’ve wanting to do that way before and some close friends know it. The stupid movie just brought back this stupid fantasy.

    How much do you imagine it playing out like that place? 
     

    I just need to get my plan together because I cannot be considered insane permanently or else I would be interdicted and lose all control over my finances. 

    Give someone you trust power of attorney. 
     

    I don’t know much about others, but yeah, one of my dreams was to live for like a month to feel what those people feel. There is just something to it that really calls me out, I feel like I want to experience the whole thing. The crazy people, the facilities, the treatment and give my opinion about it.

    You'd be better off trying to find ways to volunteer there. 

  • 4,433 posts

    The crazy people, the facilities, the treatment and give my opinion about it.

     

    if you'd like to know i can inform you about all of it. lol 

    just volunteer. 

  • 2,956 posts

    Do a thread explaining how the ward functions. Can you make friends in there? Do the employees abuse the patients? How it's.

  • 2,956 posts
     

    Do you think you could pass the assessment strongly enough to be deemed worth treating? 

    I strongly believe I could pass even as a broccoli if I really wanted too.
     

    How much do you imagine it playing out like that place? 

    I imagine song opera or calm song playing on the background. Some patient veggie style rocking back and forth. Some of them maybe more talkative. And me trying to relax and enjoy my peaceful moment, like, my only obligation it's to actually relax and do nothing else. The more I relax more points I get with the docs, which is great, I am good at relaxing and sleeping.

    Give someone you trust power of attorney. 

    My parents would be the only ones I trusted for that but I doubt they would play along with me on that one.
     

    You'd be better off trying to find ways to volunteer there. 

    Doesn't sound halfway fun as being the patient.

  • 4,433 posts

    okay so. 

    you're led into a room, which is behind a locked door. the door does not a handle on it. there is literally no possible way to harm yourself in this room. 

    you wait for nearly an hour in this room, to be assessed by some person who's not even a doctor. just some paper work and quick background for the doctor's to look at when they see you. saves them time i guess, and gives them an idea what kind of unit you'll need to be put in. 

    i was put in the unit for people drug rehabilitation, depression and anxiety disorders, and full blown psychosis. 

    the food, people all agree is terrible but i thought it was pretty much fine. you'll be taken into the unit, which is again behind locked doors, with no door handles. and they'll give you some food. 

    the unit is just one big room. a front desk. a common room, which is behind glass walls and they can see from the front desk fully clear. and then off the area with the front desk, a hallway which is also visible from the front desk. lots of doors down either side, one of those doors will be yours. 

    if you are staying long term, you'll need clothes and blankets. but everything you bring will be searched through and anything, anything you can harm yourself with will be confiscated. 

    you'll be asked more questions after eating your food. 

    the surveys include things like history of physical or sexual abuse, basic anxiety and depression screening, they ask about your sleep, weightloss weight gain, any hallucinatory things, history of health problems and allergies, medications, therapists. if you've ever self harmed- they will look at your scars quite thoroughly, they'll take photos of you. 

    they will take your shoe laces, and you'll be taken into a room to be searched. 

    this process is done with a rather cold and unwelcoming manner, you're just, another crazy fuck to them. 

    being a curtain they make you bend over and cough to make sure you're not hiding anything up your ass. they look at the bottoms of your feet and inside your mouth. they go through your hair even. but they never looked at my back, where i was hiding a good number of self harm scars i didn't mention. they just lifted up the curtain and checked my legs made me turn around, they made me hold out my wrists after my clothes were on and they felt along them with their hands. 

    they give you the clothes they want you to wear if what you're wearing in isn't approved. which is just scrubs. and then they take your vitals and take you to your room. 

    my room was just plane wood floors, a bed that is literally bolted to the ground and basically just a big wooden platform. and then a, rather flat mattress bed type thing. not your average mattress. the sheets are thin, and you will freeze your ass off. 

    if you are staying longer term you are allowed your own blankets, and more clothes. but someone has to bring them in for you. 

    most people only stay three days. 

    i stayed two weeks. 

    they determine when you are leaving. 

    there is a bathroom attached to the room, but it is locked. there toilet and shower are designed specifically so you cannot possibly hang yourself in there, or harm yourself on anything. there is a window in the room, but it is in this type of casing that has it bolted and bullet proof, and very tinted. 

    for a while i didn't have a room mate, and was placed at the front of the hall where i was watched 24/7 while i slept. someone sits in a chair, and just watches you. and they don't care that you're trying to sleep. they will eat their food loud as shit. and if you ask them to stop they will say no. 

    these people are here to strictly make sure you're not dead, or escaped. they aren't there to be your friend. the staff. and they're not the kind of people who are friendly typically. 

    you're up at 8am, everyone is up. you line up for breakfast. if you don't get in the line, no one is allowed to go to breakfast. 

    most people feel like utter shit for various reasons in the mornings, sometimes people will be puking because of their meds or their anxiety disorder or DTs. most everyone is pretty zombied out during this time and no one talks as they shuffle to the cafeteria. 

    there is no "good morning, how are you" it's just a knock on your door, "its time for breakfast get up", just part of the drill. 

    if you refuse to go to sleep, they will try to coerce you calmly and eventually knock you out with a shot of a very very heavy sedative, with a very large needle, in your back side. they will pin you down against your will and do this. 

    this only happens to the really angry ones mainly, who just talk shit to the staff and scream at the top of their lungs that they wanna kill themselves or kill everyone. so try not to do any of that shit, you'll be sore the next day. 

    if you can't sleep they're not going to give you meds right away, you have to wait till you're prescribed by the doctor who, basically sees you whenever he's not busy. getting even a second with the doctor is like pulling fucking teeth, by the way. 

    the breakfast is always the same, cereal or sausage and some kind of pancake type thing. or oatmeal that is very very plane. they have coffee and sugar though, and if you suck up to the staff and act all nice the lunch lady will go out of her way for you sometimes and give you something special, that you'll be allowed to take back to the unit. this is only after they trust you though, and you've weathered many fights and arousings calmly... and haven't caused a single grain of trouble. 

    it's kind of awkward but, i just sat down with random people at a random table. i figured, what have i got to be ashamed of i'm in a fucking mental hospital balls to the walls right. like fuck it lol i was almost dead yesterday, i wasn't really caring about people thinking i was weird for intruding on their crazy clique or whatever. 

    all the people are pretty nice and understanding- except the ones that are struggling. there are a few that are like easily lit fuses ya know they're going to explode if you do something wrong. like if you mention one topic and this guy goes, "don't talk about that"... do not. bring up that topic again. one girl made that mistake, and he stood up in the cafeteria and screamed at her BITCH I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKIN TALK ABOUT THAT SHIT LIKE LOOK YOU GOT ME ALL WORKE DUP TALKING BOUT THAT SHIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT FUCKING FUCK 

    and he was removed from the cafeteria after that. lol 

    so yes, some patients are explosive and you have to look out for that. he was withdrawing from heroin at the time though, so i don't blame him. 

    there are other patients that are even worse than that, although they're rare. it's typical most of the patients, you're going to see everyone's bad side at some point in your stay. lashing out with anger. screaming. crying. vomiting. even having seizures. 

    there are some people that are just aggravated all the time, and restless all they can talk about is "getting outta here" and they tap their legs like, ya know. cuz they're in DT's. some clean obsessively and can't sit down. others yell at the staff saying they're trying to rape them, or just yell at the staff about other various things. a lot of frustration with the staff goes on. 

    in the middle of my breakfast on the first day, i was having a conversation with a girl my age. and then she just burst into tears in the middle of the conversation. i was purposefully avoiding emotional topics but, she was just in a bad place. 

    sometimes we just sat at the meals without saying much. most of us are lost in our heads during these moments. 

    i had a severe anxiety problem, it was literally constant. i was already very on edge with having to go into a cafeteria full of people. i just didn't feel, okay with being there. i ate pretty much nothing, we throw away our trays and we're taken back into the unit. 

    you're not allowed to bring food back. and i was like "can i please bring my coffee back. i really need it." 

    and they were like. No. and i was like "you don't understand i really need to have my coffee it's not just for shits" 

    and they're like, nope sorry. and i'm like "please. seriously i don't know how i can do this" and they were like "do you need some anxiety meds?" and i was like "yeah" and they were like ok well go to the counter when we get back to the unit. 

    we we're guided in a line back in, behind the locked doors and then we're set free for a while within the unit and common room to run around. i tried to go lay down in my bed though, because i was going into a full blown panic attack, as i usually did in the mornings. 

  • 16,353 posts

     

    Waltz Inaminor stated:

    Do you think you could pass the assessment strongly enough to be deemed worth treating? 

    I strongly believe I could pass even as a broccoli if I really wanted too.

    I think you give yourself too much credit. Do you at least have a diagnosis in mind you plan to act like? 

    Sure, depending on the practitioner you might find someone a little too eager to make you seem crazy, whether it's just being overeager or a Big Pharma drone, and even those good at the field tend to fall on "Everyone's a little disordered", but you need a gameplan or they'll likely see what's going on. 
     

    How much do you imagine it playing out like that place? 

    I imagine song opera or calm song playing on the background. Some patient veggie style rocking back and forth. Some of them maybe more talkative. And me trying to relax and enjoy my peaceful moment, like, my only obligation it's to actually relax and do nothing else. The more I relax more points I get with the docs, which is great, I am good at relaxing and sleeping.

    It's so much more than that even just reading through a basic DSM. 
     

    Give someone you trust power of attorney. 

    My parents would be the only ones I trusted for that but I doubt they would play along with me on that one.

    ...meet more people you'd trust, even if it's only because they're total saps. 
     

    You'd be better off trying to find ways to volunteer there. 

    Doesn't sound halfway fun as being the patient.

    What makes being the patient fun to you?  

  • 4,433 posts

    a staff member came and told me i couldn't be in my room and lay in bed. and i said, "please, my chest feels like ice. i can't breath" and they said, "you're having a panic attack" and i'm like "can i please just stay here." and they were like "no you have to leave the room now." 

    so i got up and walked down the hall with my hands and my legs shaking and hyperventilating. they didn't even care, probably because i was a fucking junkie. 

    there's staff members standing around at all times, as well as people at the desk. so i just went up to a staff member and was like "can you please give me something" and they were like "no you need to have the doc do that" and i'm like "when am i gonna see the doc" and they're like "in a few hours, go sit down" and i'm like "i can't" and they're like "just sit down." and i'm like "i just need someone to talk to can you keep talking to me like this" and they were like "no. you have to learn to deal with this on your own. i won't be helping you." and i'm like "will you please hug me." and they're like "nope." (hugs help calm me down). and then i was like "will you just stand here next to me. please." and they were like "mhm... sure. i can do that just take deep breaths." and then i leaned into the glass wall of the common room and had a fucking mental break down, had my head in my arms just bent over. freaking the fuck out. sobbing and shit. 

    eventually they came up to me and told me i could go back to my room. because that's the protocol if you make a scene of any kind, they try to get the other patients not to see it for some reason. so they let me take a shower even though it wasn't "shower time", i think they saw how fucking fucked up i was and felt bad for me honestly. they let me sleep, and i slept through lunch and dinner, and then all the way through that night, and breakfast the next day lol. 

    i missed lunch. and then i finally got to see the doctor. he asked me a lot a lot of questions, psychiatric kind of stuff. he was mostly buried in his notes penning down shit. everything you say goes into that file, so, just know that. that shits going on record and all other people that deal with you in the facility will see it. 

    after i got through everything with the doctor, which took about an hour. you had a look of sincere worry on his face. he started off with a kind greeting and by the end of the meeting he was nearly in tears. i have had some kinda fucked up life. 

    the staff members aren't totally emotionless as i thought they would be. 

    oh i forgot to mention the bathrooms are super clean, and they're cleaned everyday. so that's good. and, i think i forgot to say i didn't have a room mate but most people do. so you might get someone who snores, or someone who's psychotic and won't go to sleep and won't stop talking to themselves and yelling and shit. or talking to you. or getting up and asking to use the bathroom ever 40 seconds. 

    but yeah, they almost cry as much as you do if not more. stuff that i could say with totally dry eyes, stuff i was used to i guess. they seemed to be sort of caught off guard by and were brought to tears while noting it down. 

    i wasn't treated with pity or anything but, they listened well. the therapist i saw after the doctor. 

    and she was really really kind. just kind of let the conversation guide itself but, she had boxes she was checking off in some paper work you know, writing down things a lot as well. crying some. 

    i was having another panic attack during this meeting, and i said, "i'm actually having a panic attack right now, and i feel like i'm going to vomit." and she gave me a trash can. and i puked and then she continued asking me questions. lol. i guess that's the usual in that unit because it's a rehab unit. 

    a lot of crazy shit goes on, like people come in in the middle of that night having just been baker acted, and they're screaming at the top of their lungs at 4am like "FUCK YA'LL BITCHES YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS TO ME BLA BLA BLA RAAAHHH" its just a fear response most people are experiencing... but yeah that happens a lot, at night. so, you're not going to get good sleep. 

    but yeah the only negative thing i have to say about the therapist is that on my way out the door she asked one last question, she said, "did your parents drink a lot? like, everyday." 

    and i said, "yeah." and she went, "that's what i thought."

    ... i dunno the way she said it made me kind of angry. i know she didn't mean it that way but, they're not always going to understand from your perspective how shit might sound and sometimes you might get offended about it a lil 

  • 4,433 posts

    and then you go to group therapy. 

    things are pretty routine. 

    breakfast. free time. group. lunch. group. some kind of extra activity. dinner. movie time. bed at 10pm. common room closes at night. you don't get "snacks" or any food in the unit. 

    but they allowed me to have my coffee because i just said i really needed it. 

    you don't get to smoke your cigarettes lol. if you wanna use the bathroom you gotta ask. every time. 

    shower time is at a set time and ur given very limited amount of shampoo conditioner, a tooth brush and tooth paste, a hair brush. that's it. you only have access to these things during the allotted grooming time scheduled for you. 

    you're not allowed anything else. your towels are oddly short so u can't hang urself with them somehow. 

    you obvi can't have razors so, you can do the math on that one. 

    you are heavily monitored while in the unit or outside at free time. you're behind a tall brick wall and barbed wire fences when you go outside, although the fresh air is nice. movies are picked for you, and the crazy people will likely talk and argue the entire movie so there's no point in watching it. 

    there is plenty of time to color, lots of coloring books... and u are allowed to read books as well but u gotta bring ur own. i was just lucky someone had one there and i used it. 

    the group sessions are just going over various therapy skills you basically learn about how to get better mentally, you aren't forced to participate but they will try their best to engage you and give you plenty of windows into the conversation despite your blatant "not caring" appearance. if you talk too much you will be told to shut up lol. 

    the people are generally all very crazy, and their crazy doesn't shut up though and it's very annoying. especially if you like your alone time, your serenity, and you have a lot going on with you like i did at the time. i was constantly triggered. 

    they will put you on some sort of medication regiment, and the anxiety meds are heavy as shit so i recommend you stay away from those unless you're trying to make your whole body feel like cement. 

    i was so fucked i couldn't even hold up a phone and talk into it, or keep my head up for that matter. 

    you are given phone access during free time, but they monitor your calls. visitors are allowed but i never had any so i don't know what that's really like. they go to the cafeteria for visitors hours that's all i know. it's only certain days of the week. 

    you will get sick of being there. 

    but it's not up to you when to leave. i wanted to leave the 2nd day when i felt trapped as hell. the barbed wire fences were just making me uneasy i suppose. but you start to get used to it and kind of block it all out. 

    most people were pretty set off by other people being annoying or angry or whatever their problem was, fights happened a lot. 

    you just have to know what not to say to the wrong person, some people will lose their shit at the drop of a hat in there. 

    i knew how to talk to those types though, because thats how my parents were lol 

    everyone steered completely clear of this one woman, this huge black woman who, had severe anger problems. that is how most people wear their depression or anxiety in there, as anger. but hers was very severe and pronounced. if you even sighed the wrong way or looked at her the wrong way or put your elbow on a table or bumped her chair she was set the fuck OFF and was going to FUCKING FIGHT you. lmfao 

    she was nuts. but i wasn't afraid of her at all. even though she was kind of beast like. 

    i sat down right next to her just for shits, kind of hoping she'd bash my head in if i were lucky. i just was feeling ballsy, i was bored. and i struck up conversation with her. i liked the feeling of wading into territory i wasn't supposed to be in. 

    everyone stared at me out of the corners of their eyes eating their food like "what the fUCK is this chic doing is she crazy" the answer is yes. i am. 

    but, the conversation went really well and me and the woman sort of became friends. somehow i knew how to make her more tame, and i became her go to person talk to when she was aggravated about shit, instead of blowing up and getting mad she'd just talk it out. and i'd validate her every emotion. and then she'd come to her own conclusions rather quickly. "well, i guess i don't need to be that fucking mad about it but... damn. these sons of a bitches almost got me fucked up." and i'm like, "you're doing really good." and she's like "THANK YOU. least someone round here been paying attention. shit i shoulda been outta here three days ago" and i'm like "shit me too." 

    she was easy to anger, but she was also equally easy to laughter i found out. and quite comical. she cracked me up more than anyone else in that place. 

    a lot of people use humor as a coping mechanism as well, and you'll meet some funny sons of abitches in there. like real fucking funny. just my kind of humor... dark, crass and sarcastic. 

    there was one woman who kept joking about being a transgendered man and how she was going to fuck all the bitches with her big giant dick and i just found that hilarious. i asked her to tell her transgender dream story to me all the time because it cheered me up. 

    but to be honest, most people in there are really going through a hard time and it's not always going to be pretty, or even tolerable at times. and you're going to want back the comfort and freedom of... your home. and all the shit on the outside. 

    not only do you miss your cigarettes but you miss fast food. you miss being able to be in the sun or go outside whenever you want, and sitting on furniture that's actually comfortable. 

    by the way, all the furniture is extremely heavy or bolted down. so it can't be moved or picked up. 

    you just feel really isolated from society and, you kind of start to forget things after a while. 

    when i got back in the "real world" it took me a few days to re-adjust to people who, hadn't read my file and didn't know everything going on with me... they weren't as understanding. ya know. not having someone to talk to. no therapists to make you feel better, or to tell you what to do. 

    you're alone, and that's the scariest part is. discharge. 

    you meet with a doctor to either update on how your meds are working for you and eventually that meeting comes to a conclusion that you should be discharged. you sign a bunch of papers, and you're set loose to the lobby. 

    from there you can just walk right out, or someone can pick you up. 

    oh forgot to mention no cell phones no internet. just crayons lol. 

    and there is also a daily check in sheet you do, in the mornings. that akss you a bunch of questions, and then you have to talk about it in group and hand it in and and it goes in your file. 

    and also the uh, staff members are monitoring and making notes about you the entire time. so it is a little weird watching them like. i was acting really lazy and disinterested during a group therapy session. and this staff member in the background just looked at me and wrote something down and i could just tell it was about the fact i was literally facing the wrong way and had my feet up and my head back and i was asleep lol. 

    so i sat up after that in group therapies from that point forward and tried to force myself to engage, so i would get good notes and i could leave. lol the therapy actually ended up working though so, their plan to force me to participate worked, as it always does. 

    the meds really helped too lol. 

    but yeah uh.... the daily check in sheets were triggering for me which sucked so if you have problems with that, that's going to suck. i mean if you have any kind of anxiety problem you're going to be hella triggered all the time in there between everything going on. 

    also it's hard to fall asleep at night with no phone to look at for me so i was like awkwardly just laying there. eventually i complained i couldn't fall asleep and they gave me shit though. 

    that's just how that works in there. oh and they take your vitals everyday and a lot of bloodwork is done on you like LOT so.. lots of poking and prodding going on. arms will be sore from it all lol 

  • 4,433 posts

    later on i did end up having various room mates 

    that experience was not pleasant for me 

    because i was so "knocked out" exhausted toward the end of my stay from everything i'd been going through 

    i was kinda mellowed out on meds and shit 

    i guess they figured they could put the worst patients with me. 

    because i wasn't bothered by it. i just slept through all of it. 

    handled it very calmly, unlike other people lol. 

    one room mate had multiple personalities and she took my hand in the middle of the night and started performing some kind of prayer or something. i just said, "thanks" when she was done and said, "good night hun" and went to sleep. she was convinced that staff members were trying to rape her and i just said, "the staff here want to help us be safe. but i can see how that would scare you. it was scary for me too." (i lied). being understood helped her calm down, as she talked out her fears a bit with me. and then went to bed. and i'm like FINALLY. in my head but yeah lol. 

    another room mate confessed her love for me. i just said, "love is a beautiful thing,.. isn't it?" and she said "yeah, i guess." and then i said "night" lol but this girl was clingy as fuck. she had a panic attack one night and i had to calm her down out of one of those. which was annoying i was fucking exhausted ya know... sitting there doing that shit. 

    and then there was another room mate, who was very schizophrenic, in some kind of manic state. would not stop talking, was not in reality what so ever. one night she kept turning the lights on and off. i just would remind her that it's time to go to bed and she'd go "oh yeah" and run over to the bed. then she'd start talking... about random shit that made absolutely no sense. and i'd just go, "yeah, it's time to go to sleep now. you should get some rest." and she's like, "purple. i see purple. do you know if the time clock sits on my tick tock then will i get a degree?" and she holds up a shoe to my face and asks me questions like, "where'd she go?" and i'm like, "i'm not sure i didn't see her." (no clue what she's talking about). .. she turned on the sink repeatedly in the middle of the night acting like she was brushing her teeth. and i'd go over there and be like, "you already brushed your teeth today. you were going to bed, remember?" and she's like OH YEAH. lol. she also would get up and wander into the hallway and start staring at the walls very intently. and i'm like, "julie, what are you doing." and she's like, "I'm admiring art." .... yeah. 

    oh and forgot to mention there was crayon on the room i stayed in alone in. it said, "EVIL NEVER DIES" in huge black letters, across one wall, to where the corner meets and across the rest of the next wall. so it was really huge. really dark. and really scary looking lol 

    but i just shrugged my shoulders and said to it, "if you really feel that way" lol 

  • 4,433 posts

    Waltz Inaminor stated:

    Do a thread explaining how the ward functions. Can you make friends in there? Do the employees abuse the patients? How it's.

    you will make friends. you won't be abused lol.  

  • 2,956 posts

    Just finished reading your last post about the mental ward. Lol thanks, It was fun to read specially because you put lots of details I could picture it all in my head. You seem like a nice person, probably the nicest in the ward at least.

  • 4,433 posts

    No problem. 

  • 2,956 posts

    hugs you

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